Just and Update, Appleton Parade, You

Hi honey - today is Wednesday, July 17th and the world continues on. You have been so busy lately... I have missed you. We briefly spoke at Steph and Nikki's graduation party, then you had your band camp, your Appleton Flag Day parade, Brittney's graduation party and on and on and on... I am so excited about our trip to Missouri and Florida. The one thing that you and I like to do is just get in the car and escape... we have had lots of fun that way. I was just looking at pictures tonight from our vacations and thinking which ones I will put on your graduation posters the night we celebrate your high school ending and college beginning... You are silly, you are sweet and you make me laugh. You were so funny when I brought you dinner tonight on the shaky plate and wondering if I had tourett's... maybe most moms would be offended by that but your re-enactment was hilarious... so many times you have made me laugh and you have made me smile. How could any mom not think you were simply beautiful... The parade was fun, watching you do your flag routine. We can't get you to crack a smile. I, however, will never take Fletcher to another parade with whistles and sirens and horns. It was a nightmare. He was twitchy and shaky and nervous... Barked at all the people marching in the parade. Lots of people laughed at him. As far as the parade, it was a beautiful day, you look poised and beautiful, here you are marching:




Oh and by the way, as a little reminder, don't laugh at the fact that I wear pink and that my shorts are too short... (see upper left picture) it is fun being a woman, being flirty, and feeling young.... when you were in grade school, you used to say that I was the prettiest mom there was... (I secretly know you still feel that way... :)

Love and adore you - mom

One Tough Week

Wow MaKenna, this has been a very, very tough week. You called me crying on Sunday night, from your Commencement Concert performance at Lakeside to tell me that you found out two of your former classmates had died in a horrible car accident earlier that day. I could feel your pain and how shocked and sad you were by all of it. I knew who one of the boys were because you and your cheerleading squad cheered for him while he wrestled - and then his younger brother mentioned that he thought you were 'cute.' (You are cute). But two lives cut so short that it made me think all week long what would I have done if that call came in to me, instead of Zack and Ryan's parents... Kenna I don't know how I would handle the world without your beautiful presence in it...

So you sing at their visitation at Lakeside tomorrow and you go celebrate your other friends' graduation the very next day - life is just bittersweet sometimes.

Then you tell me last night about Steph.... you are a good friend and sometimes you make me think about things and the world that I tend to forget... I really like that about you.

Then you have finals, all stressed out and didn't finish two of them... I was so excited you were getting an A in chemistry too - that is something to be proud of, but now we will have to see.... don't obsess over one problem next time, don't spend twenty minutes on it... move along... why did you have to get my lack of math and science skills.... :)

Well honey, this will be a short post. Let's hope Memorial Weekend goes better than this week did. Lucky for you that you have Cameron to be your shoulder too this week -

Love, mom

OMG!

For the hundredth time honey, you DO NOT have the swine flu... you aren't gonna die, you don't need to be quarantined, and you aren't going to turn into a pig... it is just a cold...
Love you, Mom

You drive me crazy...

This is when you
simply loved me the

most - when you were

a little girl...

So you missed doing most of your homework last week cuz you reminded me how much of an adult you are and that you need to be treated like one.... (I even let you stay out until 10:30 with Cameron.... mistake) and you constantly remind me that "you have a life" and that "you are an adult." - blah, blah, blah, blah, blah - Not to laugh honey, but why is it that you still sleep with your pink blankie every night and why is it that I still have to remind you to brush your darn teeth every morning too - and on and on and on...

Honestly Kenna you drive me crazy...  17 year olds do not know everything.... give your mom a little credit for being a 'mom'...

You and I have been fighting for a week now about you wanting to go to Alabama with your girlfriends in June.  You and I have been fighting about your "Kids and Divorce" essay that still isn't done (which you continue to say that I ruined your life by divorcing your dad - honestly Kenna you were 3) and you and I have been fighting about the fact that have been fighting....

It isn't that I don't want you to go to Alabama it is just that I am not ready for the world to abuse you yet.  Another girl, 17, just went missing on Spring Break, on an innocent walk on the beach with a guy she knew...  The world is full of danger, and "yes" you reminded me that you could be snatched away on our own sidewalk but that doesn't mean I am ready to expose you to the danger so quickly.  You are still my beautiful child that I hold so deep into my heart... I want to not only protect you but I want to educate you on how to handle life without me, without your dad, without Fred... it is so important that parents give their children the gift of self-esteem, self-worth and self-awareness so that you can bless the world with your presence and you can dicern between good and evil.  If you went to Alabama in June and you girls met some guys who wanted to spend time with you 'alone' - you'd all think that was sssooo cool ... that's just crazy... You are not ready to go and you are not 'street smart' ready yet either.

About our fighting and your incredible selfishness I nag you because I want you to know that it is so important MaKenna to be a 'giver' in this world and not a 'taker' - You are a gift from God and don't ever sell yourself short.  Reach out to others, help others, give to others, open your heart... You are a beautiful person with so many good character traits and when the world brings you down, it is up to you and your inner strength and your faith to pull you through. I want that for you.

Get your homework done!  I am tired of you being a couch potato!  Life has deadlines, and that is what school is trying to teach you.  It is important in life to 'show up' - even when you don't want to.  Don't keep throwing it in my face that I got a 'D' on my own report card.  Math was hard, my parents never helped me and I didn't believe in myself.  The 'D' was not only my grade, but it represented my childhood - which was so below average.  That is why I take time to talk to you, to hug you, to come bug you when you are alone in your bedroom, and why I dance so silly around you.  I want you to know that I am always there, always going to be in your corner, always going to be your biggest fan.

I love and adore you but NO, you cannot go to Alabama.  

Mom

My first entry - day one.

Today you decided that it was okay to stay in high school your senior year, for the whole year.  You and I had been toying with the idea that you wanted to graduate early.  It's funny, as I thought of that I started feeling sad because I realized that the earlier you graduate (even though you fully deserve the accolades) that meant the earlier you might move out and move on. That almost brought me to tears driving home.  I know that you are so excited about your future and you are so excited about all of the joys and adventures that lie ahead... and I know how beautiful your life will be, because I can't see it any other way... BUT as your mom, it will be so hard to let you go.  I love you, and I enjoy you so much.  So many mothers and daughters fight and hate each other.  So many of those relationships spend so much time butting heads that they miss the true beauty in a mother and daughter relationship.  I am lucky.  I have that with you, and since you were a little girl with pigtails, you have shown how much you love me.  Through laughter, through tears and through slammed doors, you bounce back each and every day and make it important to love me too. What a blessing that is, and I have never taken that for granted. My heart is full of love for you and full of a lifetime of memories already of the time that I have spent with you. High School Graduation is so bittersweet because it represents the best of both worlds.  Your youth and your entry into adulthood.  It was nice to walk into your bedroom just to say hi, to give you a hug, and for you to tell me you loved me first.... you are special, I think God must have spent a little more time on you .... mom